January 28, 2012
Dear Friends,
It's a new calendar year. This is significant for all of us here as we feel one year closer to our release date. I'm almost at the end of my second year of incarceration. It's passed quickly. But the end still seems like a far off possibility. Kind of like when you're 15 and you imagine driving someday. It's out there in the future, but it seems too far away.
The mystique of prison has definitely worn off on me. For better or worse, I am quite well adjusted to this bizarre world. I know how to navigate just about every aspect of prison life: the rec yard, the chow hall, the library, the TV rooms, and the living unit. There are places which are off limits to us so-called SOs (sex offenders). But, as long as you stay under the radar, nobody bothers you here. Everyone tends to gravitate towards their "own kind": the body builders, the polka players, the non-serious card players (sometimes me), the Dungeons & Dragons players (the nerds), the bocce players (include me), the library geeks (that would be me again), various sports groups (count me in handball & racquetball), workout partners, track walkers, gamblers (who never leave the unit), TV watchers (also never leave the unit), the religious groups - Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Wickens, etc. And then there are the groups with school-yard mentality. The so-called "gang bangers" (aka the DWBs or "Dirty White Boys" and the Arian Brotherhood) who are only ever seen hanging out with one another, never alone. Even though they are not large in numbers, they seem to enjoy a certain privileged status here, often calling the shots as far as whose got control of certain areas of the compound. For example, in my unit, I will be harassed by the DWBs if I try to watch TV downstairs in the "dungeon" area, which is a bummer, because there are three TVs down there with bigger screens. On those very rare occasions when I do watch, I have to go to one of the other 4 places in my unit. But, I cannot sit inside a TV room since each one is controlled by an exclusive group. (Fights have broken out over who controls which TV room.) So I can sit outside the glassed-in room and try to see the little TV screen from a distance of 20-30 feet away. I rarely bother. Besides, there's not usually anything broadcast that I care to watch - no History Channel, Discovery, A&E, Comedy Central, AMC or HBO... only CNN news early in the morning. And then, I usually prefer to get my news from NPR.
Moving on...
Another inmate who I was very fond of left the compound yesterday. He declined the one month of halfway house offered to him, completed his sentence here, and was sent back home to Spokane Washington. (Yes, many inmates are that far from home). His name is Robert – a kind, gentle soul, tall, intelligent and dignified. The kind of person who you look at and think, "if he's in here too, I can't be too bad of a person”. He will leave a big hole here since he contributed a lot to vocational education, ran the sound system, taught evening courses, and was one of the most well-liked and respected inmates walking the compound. Usually, I don't like saying goodbyes. But I'm very glad to see Robert walk out that door. In some small way, it's a victory for us all here and a small reminder that one day it will be me too.
In another transition, the world just lost a treasured blues and jazz artist, Ms Etta James, who passed away last week. The local NPR station just replayed a wonderful interview of her from 1994 on Fresh Air which you can download.
I just attended another "team meeting" which takes place every 6 months of our incarceration (more frequently in our last 18 months). Each inmate meets individually with his "counselor" and case manager. It's kind of a joke since all that takes place is that the case manager asks you the obligatory question of how things are going. And, after you answer the obligatory 'yes', you sign your name three places and are sent off with an updated log of your phone calls, expenditures, programming (courses completed), and misc information. I was informed that I now have zero points, the BOP's indication of the amount of risk I am assessed at. I entered here with 2. An inmate is camp eligible (the lowest facility, a step below this) with 10 points or less. (Most inmates come in here with between 10 and 20). I was told that I would have been placed in a camp if it weren't for the fact that I'm an SO. >From what I understand, the reason is that Congress has categorized all sex offenders, regardless of the specifics, as "violent offenders," which makes us automatically ineligible for a camp. In this system, if you have a drug offense you are given the gold glove treatment. You're offered a 9-month residential drug program which will reduce your sentence by one year and assure you 6 months of halfway house. (This is currently the only way in the federal system to reduce your sentence). Most eligible inmates take advantage of this program, even if they have no motivation to change, since it will put them back out on the streets a full 18 months earlier. If you have a sex offense, there is no rehabilitative programming, no therapy or counseling, and many rights and privileges that other inmates have are unavailable to you.
Apparently, there has not been consideration of the fact that the recidivism rate for sex offenders is between 2 and 3 % while for all other offenses, it is between 60 and 70%.
I guess, had I lived in Mississippi and committed a heinous crime, I might have been granted a pardon by now. :)
Fortunately, there are many people who are acutely aware of the failings and shortcomings of both the Judicial and Corrections systems and are trying hard to bring about changes to the laws and policies. Here are links to some of the best organizations that I am aware of:
End of a chapter....
When you're doing time, you learn to put up with a lot of crap from most everyone around you, guards and inmates alike. It's a fact of life here. There also comes a time when you have to set your boundaries so other inmates don't walk all over you. I have had to learn this lesson the hard way - having shared cells with several inmates who have found my weaknesses and taken advantage of them. Once that pattern is established, it is hard to backtrack. So that's partly why my current living situation had gone from bad to worse. Well, I'm happy to report, that is finally over....I have moved to a different cell. It feels very freeing to be away from the constraints of two cellies who wanted to make all of my business their business. It's a huge relief not to be subject to the daily challenge of having someone push my boundaries and my buttons. I know there is much value in facing obstacles and challenges thrown in our path. I also recognize there's a time to seek relief from a constant source of stress. It was time to move on, and I knew it.
I moved into a cell with two guys: Ed, an older white guy, and Tommy, a black fellow. They both are very easygoing. They had a two-man room for a while, so they were not thrilled to have a third cellie move in and take up precious space and interrupt their daily routine. But its prison and we have few choices of our circumstances and we have to constantly put up with inconveniences. So after a few days, they adapted to having me there. Then, just a week later, Tommy was shipped off to a camp, and a young amiable friend of mine, Marco, took his spot. The room itself is less clean and more cluttered and I have to stuff all of my belongings into a much smaller locker, but that will be relatively easy to tolerate and adjust to. In the free world your residence can be a peaceful retreat from all the noise and bustle of the world. In prison, all you have is your little cell, and only then if your cellies are peaceful and respectful. Perhaps I can finally find that little sanctuary I can call my "home" - where I have a bed and a small locker filled with my few worldly possessions, and I am allowed to close the door! I can already feel the release of stress in my body. It feels like the beginning of a new chapter of my life here.
Rocket Man
He has tattoos all over his body, including several swastikas. He was a member of the KKK and other white racist groups and ran guns for the Russian mafia. And now he's one of my latest GED success stories. He paid me to be his personal tutor several days a week to help him get over the hump on his GED, primarily math. When he was tired of studying, he would often open up to me and tell me about his past. I felt like he trusted me, and once I trusted him, I let him know my background - that I'm Jewish and here on a sex offense. He claims to have been through a major life transformation (i.e. found God), and has given up on his former life of hate. He was very open with me about his life, sharing tales that were filled with violence and hatred that sometimes made my hair stand up. He said in a half-joking way that if he had met me way back then, he might have had to kill me. He is at once charming, good looking and outgoing, always going out of his way to say hello to me in the rec yard. You would never have guessed where he comes from until he removes his shirt and you see his past tattooed all over his body (swastika and all). It is really a remarkable story - I told him he should write a book about his life. I never would have thought I'd sit face to face with someone of his ilk. But we became fast friends; I enjoyed tutoring him, and he passed easily. It confirmed my belief, once again, that deep inside everyone there is the potential for goodness and human beings are not static; we are constantly changing, however small the increments might appear. It's just sad that society never lets go of its judgment of people who are felons. It's a black mark for life.
There was a provocative interview tonight (MLK's birthday) on NPR's Fresh Air with author Michelle Alexander. She spoke about the plight of young African-Americans and how they've been caught up in the web of the criminal justice system for decades. She spoke convincingly of the need to re-examine the ineffectual and misguided "war on drugs" - of the culture of putting people away versus treating the symptoms of drug abuse, and of how our prison population has grown completely out of control. It struck me how everything she said can be applied to the war against CP - where there is the same culture of locking up anyone and everyone and handing out over-the-top sentences. It's a very articulate, eye-opening interview, which IMHO, is worthwhile to listen to.
I've had a number of good questions come my way recently, so I'll try to address them in this general forum instead of individually. One question was about what sleep conditions are like here...
Our 7' x 12' cells have triple bunk beds, so depending upon who your cellies are, you may have to put up with two other people's peculiar habits: snoring, farting, not bathing, leaving the sink dirty, keeping the light on late, getting up in the middle of the night to use the facility, etc. We sleep on thin plastic covered mattresses, with an uncomfortable plastic covered pillow, and worn out spring beds (or in some cells on solid metal pans). We are given a set of sheets and one thin cotton blanket (although many of us cheat and use two). This all adds up to making it extremely challenging to get a good night's sleep. That's why many of us catch naps whenever possible. And why I was so frustrated in my last room because they didn't approve of having naps or a little privacy.
Thanks to all who contributed to the dozens of beautiful birthday wishes I received. A very special thank you to Monique for her thoughtfulness in organizing this, it made me feel loved and appreciated.
Letters etc: Nikki L (book, photos - a trip down memory lane), Gordon & Katie W, Andrea D, Lisa H, Allan H, Elizabeth L, Megan M, Candy & Arthur R
Several have asked me if there are any subjects that I'd rather not hear about, or that are off limits when you write to me. In general, nothing is off limits. While I may not care to hear the minutia of a delicious meal you had, or a detailed account of a wonderful dance you had, I'm interested in any and all personal news, stories or subjects you wish to share or ask about including legal (even about my case), food, work, dance, community, spirituality, family, ...anything at all that helps me to stay connected to you, and to the outside world.
Stay warm
Bill
Addendum
Dear friends,
RJ, the husband of a very dear, long-time friend of mine has just begun serving time in a Federal prison camp. He has been writing updates, much like mine, which are full of observations and insights. The last one struck me so deeply that I thought it would be worth sharing with the group in the hopes that you might find it interesting. Both RJ and I think that it is important for people to understand, as much as possible, how the system works and doesn't work. So, with permission from RJ, feel free to read on....
Regards,
Bill
Reposted with permission from RJ Ruble:
Week 4 – January 29, 2012
Last week I wrote that the journal writer should stick to the mundane and avoid the global until his path and the global intersect. Well a piece of a disintegrating satellite fell into the compound yard this week; not literally mind you, just a interesting article found its way to my attention.
In the January 30th New Yorker magazine, Adam Gopnik published an article entitled "The Caging of America." I don' know much about Gopnik except that he has written extensively and is a Francophile, which is enough to put off many, myself included. Nevertheless, the title caught my attention. (I've asked Esther to attach a copy so you don't have to troll the newsstands.) The article is probably not among his best work. It is disjointed, and it has the feeling that he kept adding to it to meet the demands of his editor (or maybe he gets paid by the word).
The importance of the article is that for the first time that I am aware of someone brings attention to the number of people incarcerated in this country and attempts to put it in a perspective that most of us can understand - more people in American prisons now than in Stalin's gulag at its peak. I think that this aggregate is lost on many of us because we can never see all the prisoners at once, only "here a prison, there a prison," and given the numbers, "everywhere [there is] a prison." The only thing he didn't do is try to figure out whether, if you laid us all end to end, we'd reach the moon.
Another important aspect that he alluded to is the psychological damage that befalls people once they are inside. I can only describe what I see happening here, and I'll try to do it by an example. On the outside if we do well at something we anticipate being rewarded, and we are motivated to do well by that expectation. Inside here, there is no motivation to do well. If you do well nothing happens. Nothing. No reward, no good words. In fact, in my intake interview my case manager told me it really didn't matter if my record had no demerits or up to 11, because as long as I didn't go over 11, I would be safely ensconced here in camp. The message: don't trouble yourself with doing well; just sit still and stay out of serious trouble. People living in this environment soon discover that a desire to achieve is irrelevant. All that needs to be done is to avoid 11 demerits. Is this a lesson that helps prisoners after they get out? Would this be a lesson you wanted to instill in your children? (More on motivation diminishers in future emails.)
Gopnik also has two other pertinent discussions. One is a discussion of the philosophical underpinnings of our present prison system. An interesting read for those on the outside, but unnecessary for most of us stuck inside. Note the absence of a reference to the philosophy of rehabilitation - it disappeared when the drug laws of the mid-1980's put an end to it.
The other I have witnessed in action myself. He writes that our justice system is process-based rather that striving for principle-based result. He gives an example of a trial in which, after the defendant was convicted, the judge, the prosecutors, and the defense attorneys all congratulated themselves on doing such a good job - they all played by the rules. Well, that happened to me, and it sets you to wondering whether playing the game well with someone else's freedom at stake is more important than determining whether or not the defendant should or should not be free.
The article ends with a lengthy discussion of whether our criminal laws do the job they should. This is a discussion, like the economy, that will never be settled - page filler in my mind.
Lastly, though, is what Gopnik left out of the article, and to me it is far more important than critiquing our criminal laws. What was left out was a discussion of the effects of incarceration on the families of the incarcerated. Almost to a man here, that is the most significant effect of being jailed. Very few fight the fact that they are here. Yes, there may have been a problem with their lawyers, or the cops, or the judge, but none of this seems of significance to them. What is of significance is that a wife can't support the family on her own; a mother or wife will lose a home because without the inmate's financial support it can't be afforded; a child who did well in a miserable inner city high school will no longer be able to afford to go to college; a parent with dementia will no longer have someone there to take care of him or her.
I have written far too much about the global and not enough of the mundanity of my daily life, but I just couldn't ignore that piece of disintegrated satellite staring me in the face.
©RJ Ruble 2012